The letter from my Dad
LETTER FROM MY DAD (unedited)
Date: Approx: 1989- 1998
Discovered : Dec. 2, 2014
It’s been about 3 ½ years since I discovered this letter on, what would’ve been my Dad’s 72nd birthday. When I say “discovered” I mean exactly that. My Father did not give me this letter directly. However, I do believe with all my heart that he gave it to me after he passed away in June 2014.
I’ve shared this story and this precious letter with the people closest to me in my life. I’m feeling very strongly these days that it’s time that I share it publicly….for a few reasons. First reason is that this letter changed my life and has informed the direction I'm moving professionally, spiritually and personally. Second, is that having this letter, what it symbolizes to me now and how it’s helped me on so many levels in my life going forward, has been the biggest gift my Dad could’ve ever given me, beyond ANYTHING. I will make certain that I leave my own children with such gifts. I hope you do too.
So, the summer after my most amazing Dad passed (in June 2014 -of a massive heart attack) I spent most of it at the family house in Langley, British Columbia. My Dad and I shared many similarities and interests. We're both very curious and love to study, especially topics around self growth, spirituality and human behavior. I went down the Yogic path and my Dad found his community in a beautiful group of “seekers of knowledge and wisdom”- The Rosecrusians”. Our conversations were deep and rich, and I always tried to find the parallels between the two lineages. There were many more then I realized at the time, and we were often talking about the same thing, just coming at it from a different angle, in a different "language."
That summer, knowing that my mom would eventually sell the family home, I began to cherry pick through some of my Dad’s lessons, poetry, personal notes etc. for future observation. I knew that I was still too raw to dive deep into it, but eventually I could start a slow drip on taking it all in.
It was December 2, 2014 – my Dad’s birthday. My husband was traveling for work and my kids were in bed. I lit a fire, poured a generous shot of Dad’s Johnny Walker (he always kept a bottle of scotch in our pantry for when he visited) and summoned the courage to “go down the rabbit hole”. I knew it was going to be an “event”.
As I opened the folder that I had so carefully curated, I began reading every single page. Scanning each page for just a little more insight into my father. I learned more about his solo excursion to Egypt back in the 90’s. I found poetry I’d not yet read, letters to friends and then………. not even half way through the folder, I turned the page and saw my name. It was a letter, that appeared to have been typed (on a typewriter), single spaced and full front and back. On the very top was my name- no date, no formal address, not even “Love Dad” - just Paula.
Now, keep in mind that I carefully cherry picked each paper that went into this file to be read when I was ready to read it. This was the FIRST time I had laid eyes on this letter addressed to me. I clearly remember my heart jumping into my throat and my confusion around where the hell this came from. As I sat in my living room by myself, I read this letter, taking in every word, slowly and carefully. I knew I was by myself but I did not feel alone. I knew my Dad was sitting in the leather chair across from me. I was meant to find this letter exactly how and when I did.
Even though, I’m guessing I was in my early 20’s when he wrote this letter, so much still applied. I’ve done so many things in my life, had different careers and many creative ventures – some that made money and some, not so much. At that point I was seriously contemplating the “next thing” I was on the edge of something bigger for my life. My acting career was not exactly what I dreamed it would be, still alive and well, but not tapping my FULLEST POTENTIAL as a creative, thought leader, money maker and entrepreneur. I knew that somehow ALL that I’d done in my life was preparing me for the next thing and aligning me deeper and deeper with my dharma (purpose)
This letter was coming at the perfect time. Not only that, but it all made sense, as I was already studying and teaching and coaching some of these very same principles. It may not have landed the same way when I was 20. Love how the universe gives to us EXACTLY what we need and when we need it.
Here’s the letter….
I am writing this letter to you on this day because I know that you are in a bit of a state of concern and possible confusion about what your future might look like, or exactly how it will unfold. As I watch you sometimes struggle with these things, I feel sorry for you and wish that I could take a magic wand and make it all clear and comfortable for you. To clarify, I don’t wish that I could make your future a comfortable and carefree life with no worries or cares because that would be the same as destroying any value for you that you will eventually be able to gain from this life.
Rather, what I am saying, is that I wish that I could find the words to say to you that would make you see that life as an opportunity and an adventure. One that you are privileged to have the blessing of. It is not something to fear or labor though, or to feel as though you are being dragged through reluctantly, having to worry at all times that you are making the wrong decision or choice at any crossroad. One must remember that in fact, there is no such thing as a mistake in the direction that you choose at any given turn. Each turn that you make is nothing more than a new set of opportunities to explore. No matter which set of opportunities that you choose, there is a wealth of experiences to gain from them.
It may not seem too important at the time that you have these different experiences, especially when the slugging gets a bit tough. But try to never forget that in the long run, it is the things that you learn through the daily experiences that eventually round you into the fullest possible person that you can possibly be. It is important to also remember, that it is not possible unless you have these experiences. It is therefore necessary that you approach each and every one of the different opportunities that life can present you, with the greatest of expectations and anticipation. Remember, that in each situation, to give the very best that you can, so that whatever it is in the specific situation for you to benefit and learn from, you will be able to receive.
ALWAYS EXPECT THE VERY BEST FOR YOURSELF, because you deserve it!!
You are a very good and kind person and you do deserve the best. Remember you will always fulfill your beliefs. Another point that is often overlooked is that there is really nothing in this world to fear. There is nothing that will stop you from living until your times comes to die. So, in the meantime, it is ever only a question about how you want to go about living your life, and what you feel like doing with it.
There are millions of people in the world, who right now, choose to go through their life bringing onto themselves difficult circumstances under which they can suffer and be brought down so that their life becomes a total drag, as unpleasant as can be imagined. There are others who have a magical and charmed life, apparently without a care in the world. The only difference between them is in the choice they made about the ATTITUDE THEY WILL APPROACH LIFE WITH.
Aside from the attitude, there is absolutely no difference between them. Money is not the determining factor, although sometimes it seems that money is the most important key to happiness.
Whereas money, or more appropriately financial independence, goes a long way to allowing a person to enjoy certain things in life. More important, is to enjoy your life while you are earning your money on which to live. There are too many people waiting to enjoy their life until after they have earned enough money to leave the work they do not enjoy. They also never seem to live long enough to enjoy it.
It is of ultimate importance to always keep in mind the incredible amount of money that is flowing around you at all times, changing hands, moving from person to person for a variety of reasons beyond imagination. Money never stops moving! It moves by some people so closely, that sometimes it seems impossible that can’t see how near it actually is, or that they can reach out to stop as much as they require with very little effort.
This is the mindset to try to achieve. The mindset that there is total abundance and having as much as you want is as easy as figuring out a way to stop some of the abundance that is flowing around you at all times.
It is true that the singular thing that the people who lack money have in common, is their belief that there is only a limited amount and the portion they are entitled to is very small. It is precisely this mindset that keeps them in a position of shortage and lack. In other words, it is their belief that they are fulfilling. It always boils down to the same thing- The Belief System!!
Now, I fully realize that it seems difficult sometimes that you can get anything that you want, especially when all around you it looks like there are a bunch of limiting factors of which you have no control. However, when you look at it totally objectively, you can see that it is always YOU that is putting these things out of your reach. You will always fulfill your vision, no matter what your vision is! As a matter of fact, the only thing you CAN fulfill is your vision, or the image that stands out in your mind. It is not possible to fulfill anything BUT your vision, or image. Your subconscious mind will not impress on you to pay attention to anything but the things that are consistent with your image (belief system).
That does not mean that you can change your direction in a short time or have your vision change day by day. It takes a long time to change your vision and it takes a lot of mental work to change it enough to operate in the new direction. You know the exercises you have to do to change your mind.
Remember, these cannot be short term visions. I am talking about long term, even lifetime visions. Once you have the vision established, you need only to have the faith that it will be yours, and it will be yours!
Never, at any point, think that anything will come to you without solid, hard work- because it won’t. You must energetically and actively pursue your dreams. Every minute must be dedicated to your goal. It will come!
Now, as an observation I would like to say that it seems to me that your biggest problem, is that you do not have a clear idea of what it is that you want your image to be. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact that is normal. Most people do not know what they want. They have some fuzzy idea of having a lot of money and are trusting nothing but luck to bring it to them. THAT IS THE NORMAL CONDITION OF MANKIND! And in a completely normal world, it is very hard to do things that are not normal. That is in fact what you have to be. You have probably noticed by now, that it is usually the “un-normal” person who knows exactly what they want. They set their sights on their goals and GO FOR IT. You may have also noticed that they usually get it….in the long run. Remember, we are talking about the long run.
You must first make a serious and concerted decision as to what you want in the long run. Do NOT treat it frivolously. This is your life that you are dealing with!!
I’ve been holding off posting this blog until today, December 2, 2018. This letter is one of the most precious things to me. Sharing it, is both an honor yet feels a little scary. Yes this letter was written to ME from my DAD and is private. That said, I now feel that sharing it might somehow inspire others to open up, to write down or even record the messages they want to share with their children, spouses and loved ones. Discovering this letter after my Dad passed was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL gift he could’ve ever given me. It has impacted my life in so many ways and I feel so very lucky and blessed to receive it. I love you Dad, I’m so lucky to have had you as my father. XO P